Adelaide's Lament

It says here...
The average unmarried female, basically insecure,
due to some long frustrations may react
with psychosomatic symptoms- difficult to endure-
affecting the upper respiratory tract.

In other words, just from waiting around for that plain little band of gold
a person can develop a cold.


I've been sitting on this post for a while, trying to figure out what to do with it. I was in Guys and Dolls my junior year in high school and had a ton of fun in it. In case you were wondering, my roll was billed as "Crapshooter #9" :)
I've long had difficulties with Adelaide. She's... a lot to handle. One of my best friends (and a girl who I'd liked since I was like 3) had the roll and did a fantastic job with it. Interestingly, though, to counterbalance the gung-ho man-hating Sarah, Adelaide is developed as a needy whiner, unable to help herself. If I'm going to be honest, neither of which is really all that attractive of a main character.
As I was buzzing around the interwebs today, I was reminded that a good friend from several years ago is becoming somewhat of a resident expert on a subject that has a lot to do with this. Kylee Shields has written a book "Make it Happen: A Guide to Happiness for LDS Singles". I haven't read it yet, but I've gotten to hear her talk about it a couple of times, and I am really excited to read it. The book started out titled "Single, So What?", but the title has obviously softened a bit since then. Still, the main message of the book is very empowering. Rather than reinforcing negative thinking and descending into an awful Teufelskreis*, the "average unmarried [single], basically insecure" is able to take a look at the surrounding environment, find out what is and is not bringing happiness, and make changes as desired.
It has been interesting to me that this has become a much more common message to the LDS single adults in recent years. I feel like the message has shifted from "if you aren't spending every waking moment trying to get married, then you are going to end up unhappy and alone" to "life is wonderful. Experience every day as much as you can, and be open to going where God wants to take you. What will happen will happen when it's right and if you're living as you should." I love how empowering and freeing that is. You can live your life and get so much out of it.
There are plenty of people in the world who are just itching to tell you how unhappy you should be. I love being happy in the face of so much evidence to the contrary. Why? Because I can.

PS: I have to include a bit of a plug for the upcoming MET production of Guys and Dolls. I almost auditioned for it, but I didn't. I do know General Cartwright in the play and am looking forward to seeing the show once it starts.

*A Teufelskreis is a German term that doesn't quite have a good English translation. "Vicious cycle" is about the best that the internet could come up with it. Literally, it's a devil's circle. It's a negative feedback loop where the devil gets something bad going, and that then fuels an ever-increasing amount of negativity and failure. It's a fantastic term for a truly horrible concept.

Check Yes or No

This song definitely had me smiling as I ate breakfast the other morning. I used to listen to a ton of country when I was a kid, and I've gotta say: country definitely has an interesting view on the idea of love. I'm not going to say that it skewed my perception of love as a kid, but it definitely contributed to some quirks (to say nothing of the damage done to my ability to make real rhymes).
I remember singing along to "Check Yes or No" long before I could date. Looking back now, I smile at how idyllic and simple it makes things sound:

It started way back in third grade

I used to sit beside Emmylou Hayes

A pink dress, a matching bow and her pony tail

She kissed me on the school bus, but told me not to tell

Next day I chased her 'round the playground

Across the monkey bars, to the merry-go-round

And Emmylou got caught passing me a note

Before the teacher took it, I read what she wrote:

"Do you love me, do you wanna be my friend?

And if you do

Well then don't be afraid to take me by the hand

If you want to

I think this is how love goes, check yes or no"

As I thought about it more, though, I felt like little Emmylou Hayes and George Strait (loved the glasses in the video!) nailed it on the head describing love. Love is wonderfully awkward. It doesn't make any sense, and it's foolhardy and nonsensical and full of fun and chasing on the monkey bars. It's putting yourself out there, and sometimes getting more back than you could ever have hoped for.
Is that cheesy?
Yeah, I guess it is.

...but you know what? I think that love is cheesy sometimes too :)

Gloria (My Savior Lives)

As I woke up the other morning, I had three phrases stuck in my head. No words, just three short musical blurbs that I couldn't figure out the source of. I went around, humming the few bars over and over, but I couldn't figure it out. This isn't unheard of for me, I often don't know the words to songs and hum along until I get to the chorus and can sing along again.
Finally, I had a breakthrough as I realized I was humming a phrase which was just one word, repeated three times. It filled me with a warm happiness when I realized that I had been humming "Gloria". It's from an oratorio by Rob Gardner called "The Lamb of God" that I love and would recommend to anyone. I got to go to the premiere of the show at Gammage a couple of years ago and fell in love with the music that evening. I bought the CD recording of it, so if you'd like to hear the whole thing, let me know!
When I realized that, I decided that I would go through and make a Gloria Gratitude List. Here are some of the things that I'm grateful for that make me want to sing out Gloria to God:
I'm grateful for choices, for the ability to choose and the necessity to do so on a constant basis.
I love sunsets. I love how beautiful the day can end in a blaze of color.
I am thankful for my family. My mom just finished a novel (go check it out if you're interested!) about a family who has to deal with some serious loss. Reading it, I thought about just how grateful I am for my family.
I'm grateful for days of health. I'm still getting over a nasty headcold and that has made me realize how important health is and just how much I miss it when it's gone.
I'm grateful for early childhood education teachers. I feel like I had some fantastic teachers early in my education which let me grow and learn about what interests me. That has helped me become who I am today.
Old cultures. Every time I brush up against a culture which is really old, I'm reminded just how little I know and how much out there in the world there is for me to experience.
I'm thankful for the scriptures- for words that I've read dozens of times in the past and the new thoughts, impressions and feelings which come with that simple action.
I'm grateful for hope. Hope comes from Christ and buoys me up and gives me strength when I need it most.

I'll sing Gloria! Glory to the Lord. Gloria! Glory for the life he doth give. 

Glory be to God for every aspect of my life which came from Him.

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

A quick post this evening.
I went to bed a bit nervous knowing that I was planning on quitting my job pretty suddenly, but not knowing how it was going to go.
And then I woke up with T-Swizzle's latest song playing in my head this morning and I knew everything was going to be ok.
And you know what, it was more than ok. My boss was super understanding and it wasn't nearly as awkward as I'd thought.

It's the little things :)

Me without You

The professor of my Economic Development and growth class made an interesting point the other day. We were talking about the 8+% growth in GDP that China has experienced in the recent years. After he described some of the policies that are necessary for that kind of growth, I asked if that meant that China wasn't going to be able to sustain growth (before you groan, it's actually a really interesting class and probably one of my favorites this semester). His response surprised me a bit:
Basically, he said "no chance", and that is about as specific as he would get. He promised us that we could come talk to him in about 50 years, and, if China was still growing at 8%, he would apologize. He went on to explain to us that economists are great at looking back on data and saying "clearly this is why this happened and these were the main factors affected", but that any economist who is looking ahead and predicting how policies or actions will affect the future more than a few months or years out is really just giving a best guess or speculation.
I take a lot of the same perspective, but for the opposite direction. I feel like one of the most frustrating things you can ask is "...what if?"
What if I hadn't been there that night?

What if I hadn't kissed her?

What if I had kissed her?

What if I had picked the blue pill?

Personally, any time that I've gotten in to the "what-if" game, it hasn't made me any happier or really given me any sort of beneficial outcome. I know it's a bit trite, but

There is one large exception. There is one thought that I have had countless times imagining "what if?" Part of the reason I think I'm ok with this particular "what-if" is that it is a positive motivator for me. The song for today, "Me Without You", reminded me of that (and is insanely catchy).

I am who I am today (and everyday) in great measure due to my faith. I can look back at several times in my life and say with pretty sure confidence that I was literally saved from myself and who I would have been/become: From my lonesome and unhappy 3rd grade self, from my sarcastic and unfriendly middle school self, from who I might have become after high school.

I can imagine a world that is different from what is, and I thank God from the bottom of my heart that it is what it is today.

Love You Like a Love Song

Wow, I've blogged about a lot of songs.
It's been said and done...
Lots of them have had kind of a consistent theme.
Every beautiful thought's been already sung...
Sometimes I wonder if I have anything of worth to say.
And I guess right now here's another one...

This is a fun (if somewhat inane) song. By far, one of my favorite aspects about it is that it is a popular song with a beat that is fantastically suited for dancing a chacha. Any time a song comes out which is at least dance-able gets a boost in my books.

Turning those lines from the beginning into questions:
Has it already all been said and done?
Is there any beautiful thought that hasn't been sung?

For me, most of the time is seems like there is a song for every emotion and moment in my life. People have been writing music for like 40,000 years. It seems like the odds are that they've probably already covered everything. It's an awesome feeling when a song starts playing that expresses something so internal and emotional. There's someone out there who's felt or is feeling what I feel.

WRONG

Sorry, but I don't buy that. I'm very much a big fan of individualism. While being able to connect with others is one of the most important parts of life, in the end, I have my own personal history and way of looking at things and so do you. We may get close to understanding one another, but it is always going to be through one filter or another.

That's the beauty of interacting with people: everyone is just different enough from everyone else that every interaction is going to be at least a little different.
No one compares, you stand alone to every record I own.
For Selena, this simile-entombed love song love is different from anything else she's had before (even different than the Biebs!) I'm not claiming that Jelena (as the couple is referred to) are (is?) expert(s) on love, but I think the concept is right that love is never the same twice. No matter how many times you fall in love, it's new and it's different and it is its own, special thing.

So find it, and put it on repeat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat...

The Perfect Wave

Tim and I were boogie boarding in Crystal Cove earlier this week and had this conversation. I tried to recreate it as best I could for you as follows: M- What if my wave never comes?
T- You have to be patient. Your wave will come. You don't want to jump at the first wave, ride it half way to the shore, and then realize that that wasn't your wave. You can separate from your wave, but that gets messy.
All my friends seem to be getting their waves, but I can't find a wave that's right for me.
M- What can I do to make sure that I'm ready for my wave when it comes?
T- You've just for to be in the best place you can and go for it when it's right.
M- How do I know when it's right?
T- It's just a feeling that it's tough to describe. When your wave comes, you'll know.
M- What if my wave never comes? What if I spend all day swimming and I have no wave?
T- Even if you are waveless during this day, we believe in a future day when everyone will get their own wave.
(Dallin chiming in)- Personally, I like my waves all natural. If a wave has been altered, it's just wrong.
M- I wasn't ready, and I think I missed my only chance for a wave.
T- There's not one right wave for every person. Some waves are bigger than others, tall waves, short waves, some that break earlier, some later, you never can tell when a wave will come and surprise you.
T- If you're not careful, a wave will chew you up and spit you out. Some waves are more dangerous than others.
M- Isn't every wave beautiful and perfect in its own way?
T- No. No they aren't.
M- It can get confusing when you're in the bay area- sometimes there are waves that go both ways :/
T- You know, you can't compare every wave to the one that got away.
And Dallin's wise words of wisdom to wrap it up- No man can ride three waves at once. Occasionally two, but never three.