Tattoo

If we've talked in the last three weeks or so, chances are that you know that I'm heading to California on Tuesday. It's really going to be quite a change for me and may just end up directing the next few years of my life.

That's kinda crazy to think about.

As I was camping with my mom earlier this week, I woke up with the chorus from "Tattoo" by Jordin Sparks in my head. First of all, I just want to share my connection to fame: Jordin was in my school district growing up. I'm a couple of years older than her, so our paths never crossed, but her last year at Sandra Day O'Connor HS (before she won American Idol and left that pesky "high school" scene) was my senior year at Barry Goldwater HS (I wonder if you could make a correlation to the success of the individual for whom a school was named and the performance of the students in that area...).

Tangent done, there are a lot of lyrics which really mean a lot to me right now from this song.

I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

For starters, I am excited for this upcoming change. I get to have a bunch of new roommates, I am moving into a new ward and get to meet a ton of people there. I will be living in the Bay area (which is gorgeous) and get to explore it as soon as I get off work every day and on the weekends. Everything (both good and bad [which makes it bittersweet]) is going to be left behind and I am starting so much new. It will be interesting to see who I become as a result of this big change for me.

No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction

I'm leaving, but not in a sad way. First of all, I know that I'm coming back (I've still got one more semester at ASU). That being said, I don't feel like I am leaving with any regrets. I can't say that every second has been lived as if it were my last one, but I really have appreciated what I've gotten to do and who I've been with here in Mesa. A new direction is kind of scary in the sense that I don't know what this direction holds exactly, but I am exquisitely happy with each new direction that has gotten me to this point so far.

You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

The reason why I can look so optimistically about moving far away from family to a city I don't really know and a ward I'll be a complete stranger in is that I'm not going alone. I have the love of my family, well-wishes from so many great and supportive friends, lessons learned from a fantastic bishopric and ward, and the close relationships which mean so much to me. The possessions that I pack up in the back of my mustang are really quite replaceable and will really not be worth all that much. Those "intangibles" that I'm bringing are so much more valuable to me.

The imagery of a tattoo across my heart is kind of sobering. Two parts of that really stand out to me:

1. OUCH! I can't even begin to imagine how difficult and painful it would be to get a tattoo on your heart. You'd have to really want it (and be sure you were never ever going to have to get it removed!) to put a tattoo on your heart.
2. Tattoos have always seemed somewhat contradictory to me. They usually (though [unfortunately] not always) have a personal meaning to the bearer. The strange thing is how public and broadly such an intimate thing is by its very nature. The thought of a tattoo across the heart is so personal. It's kept and guarded in the innermost portion an individual has.

The "tattoo" on my heart is still a work in progress, but that doesn't mean that what I have thus far won't influence my life as it continues. I am so grateful for all of the little (and big) wonderful things in my life that have brought me this far and will continue to strengthen me as I go further. 

Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you