Payphone

This is one of those songs that I get stuck in my head, and it just plays over and over. Despite the fact that that is somewhat annoying by nature, I love the song so much that I don't even try to fight to get it out. I think part of it is the strength of emotion in the song which (even though I think might be taking things a bit too far) is conveyed in (yet another!) break-up song. I promise I'm not hating on relationships or the thought of people staying together! But it certainly seems like my subconscious has been of late.
Anyway, many of my friends can attest to the fact that I will (often at random times) start humming the tune from "Payphone". I thought through the lyrics for this one, and really wasn't sure what I wanted to write about for a blog post. Like I said, it's kind of a depressing, post-break-up song. Last night at the symphony, the theme for the piece I listened to got me thinking.

Change is one of the most powerful (and therefore scary) things I can think of in this world. The song starts out with the lyrics:

I'm at a payphone tryin' to call home

all of my change I spent on you.

What a sad place to be in! I am imagining Adam Lavine standing there on a street corner (the actual music video [with unedited lyrics and the rap bridge included] has this cool comic-book style) realizing that he has invested himself in to this relationship which is now irreconcilably over. In the midst of this pity party, I realized: wait. You spent all of your change on her...? That is a really clever play on words, but it strikes me as entirely and utterly by nature untrue. 

I am a firm believer that you can never be out of change. No matter who you were at one point, what you had to go through to get to this point, or what you think your future may end up holding for you, you can change. And even more-so than that: You will change.

It feels like it very much part of human nature to resist change. Everyone at one point or another can look back and say, "well, that was a change that was definitely for the worse!" Because of that potential consequence for change, I feel like it's only natural to try and find ways to avoid change. 

FACT: Change happens.

Anyone who tells you "my love for her hasn't changed over the last (insert time period here) one bit" is working with a very different definition of change. I would say that, even as each and every one of us grows with new experiences each day, so too must our relationships form and re-form to mold to the continuing complexity that is our lives. 

Now, I'm not saying Adam is wrong for investing change in his now-failed relationship. I'm saying it was wrong to have spent it on her. Like I said, change is a natural part of the world we live in, BUT there is definitely a wrong way to go about it. If he was changing for her all the time, then the relationship may well have become a lie.

One of the posts that I read which got me to really start thinking about regularly blogging myself (and its associated sequel [of which I claim partial credit in the conception]) really encapsulate how I feel change in a relationship should happen and what it can lead to. Rather than regurgitate them, I'll just suggest you read the posts as they stand.

So yes, change is going to happen. Yes, it is going to be an integral part of a relationship. BUT... No, it is not a bad thing. No, it shouldn't be manipulated as a tool to try and force something to work. And no, we should never feel like we've "run out of change."

PS- Thanks to Laura for the Bahama's payphone collage picture!

Going to the Symphony in Flip Flops

After today, I would highly recommend the symphony to everyone. Even if you go in flip flops, go. Allow me to back up and explain how I came to that seemingly unconnected admonition.

Let me start by acknowledging that there are those you have referred to me as "one lucky SOB". While that isn't a term I would necessarily choose for myself, the first half is nonetheless somewhat applicable. I seem to win more than the average individual does. For an example, see this video.
As I was talking with the other interns at work this week, we were trying to come up with weekend plans. They had me look up events going on in SF, and it seemed like everything I could find was somehow connected to the SF Pride festival being held this weekend. Eventually, we decided to check it out (it's part of the local culture, right?) and then go to China Town and hang out in North Beach.

So I met up with Briana, Katee, Chris, Ivaylo, and Chaiwei, and we took the BART to SF. You get a little taste of what the festival is going to be like taking public transit to the Civic Center, but it really can't prepare you for what it is like when you step out of station. There was glitter and rainbows all over the place. It's a poor attempt at showing you what things were like, but this is a picture I took of a group doing Zumba at one of the stages.

As we started making our way through the festival (trying not to make body contact with the more scantily clad individuals), I noticed the SF Symphony booth. They had one of those wheels you can spin, so I stepped up and waited my turn to spin. There were 3 or 4 spaces which had something you could win, and I landed on a ticket to Bartok's "Bluebeard's Castle" closing at the symphony this evening!

Everyone else in my group had come over by this point and were most impressed with my win. Briana spun next and almost landed on the spot with me. The lady was nice and gave her a ticket anyway. As we were walking away, she told me "I don't really want to go to the symphony." So, being the gentleman, I offered to take it off her hands.

Suddenly, I had two tickets to the symphony this evening. I love it when evening plans practically make themselves. I got a hold of the music chairwomen in my ward and invited her to come in to the city and meet up with me to go to the symphony.

Our last event at the Pride Festival was to watch the cheerleading squads perform. At first, when we showed up, I thought, "eh. They're better than my high school was, but I've seen better." And then they brought out their A squad. My jaw dropped at some of the lifts and throws that they were doing. Of course, this wasn't a competition, so the guys on stage were allowed to (and probably encouraged to) be as flaming as they wanted to be up there. Other than that, it was really enjoyable :)

As we were having lunch in chinatown, I realized that I wasn't ready to go to the symphony. I hadn't dressed trashy for the day, but I definitely was going to feel out of place in jeans, a v-neck t-shirt, and flip flops. I decided I would at least buy a dress shirt somewhere before meeting up with Rebekah for the evening.

I didn't find anything in Chinatown on our way to North Beach. We stopped at a candy shop (free samples of anything you wanted = Matt got a bit sick to his stomach) and then went and chilled in Washington Park. We were sitting on the grass chatting when the bells of the cathedral behind us start ringing. At first I thought it was toning an hour, but I looked at my watch and saw that it was 3:24, so that couldn't be it. I noticed that I recognized the tune as "Here comes the bride", so I turned around to look, and there was a bride and groom exiting down the steps. Two weddings that I've randomly seen with the interns in two weeks. What a fun tradition!

We headed back to the BART where the others caught a train heading back to Berkeley, and I started down towards all the shopping of Market St. At first, I was dismayed at the really expensive-looking shops. I didn't want a $125 shirt. I was relieved to look up and see a sign for "Ross" up ahead. Just what I was looking for.

I went and found a dark blue-green shirt that was perfect, so I grabbed that, and changed on the BART as I was heading to meet Rebekah. We met up and then got to see the symphony. I'll spare you my full thoughts on the symphony. Suffice it to say that I was blown away by multiple aspects of the evening and thoroughly enjoyed myself, even though my toes felt very conspicuously bare as I walk next to people in full evening attire.
So, while I may have a slightly above-average propensity for the acquisition of free things, my advice is to get out there. Live life and put yourself on the edge and into the unknown occasionally. 

What do you do with a BA in English?

Indeed, what do you do with life?
The song that this is usually attached to in Avenue Q needs a bit of editing, but I found of version of just "What do you do with a B.A. in English?"
After what should seemingly be four years of intensive training on how to find the best answers, you would think college graduates would find the answer to "what's next?" quite easily. While there are those who do, it seems like I'm talking to more and more people who feel that their path is not only unclear- it's nonexistent. When did finding a career become such a challenge?
I feel like there is an intellectual inflation which has been rapidly increasing in recent years. When I read of the old universities, how difficult it was to get in, and the rigorous training they received, I can't help but be a bit disappointed in what we have in higher education today. Somehow, things have gotten to the point that someone can claim, "Four years of college and plenty of knowledge have earned me this useless degree. I can't pay the bills yet, 'cause I have no skills yet."
I feel like I got lucky with the degree I chose- people have said to me, upon learning that I'm studying chemical engineering, "oh good. You're going to have a bachelor's degree that is still worth something." With that statement comes the implication that there are myriad degrees which aren't. People spending (often times inordinately) great amounts of money and years of their life, to be told that their degree is not really applicable.
One of the semi-solutions that it feels like is emerging is the glorious "master's degree". I can't help but feel like that is just a band-aid for a broken bone. Something is obviously happening to our undergraduate studies, but rather than fix it, we simply have to keep studying. A random man on the light rail told me once "stay in school as long as you can. A master's is the new bachelor's degree." The more that I see, the truer that seems to be.
I honestly don't know what kind of solution is out there for this problem. Heck, I don't even know what the problem really is. Rather than ranting on about entitlement and the decay of traditional American values (which is probably where I would take this), I'll just say that I hope to get a job before things get any more crazy, cause

the world is a big scary place.

San Fran by the Foot

Did you know that the San Francisco peninsula is right about 6 miles across? Neither did I. While that doesn't sound that large, when you meander, that becomes a long way to walk. First things first though.

I went to the Oakland Temple on Thursday. It is a wonderfully gorgeous temple with one of the top 3 or 4 views I'd say I've seen from a temple. It's the temple where my dad got his endowment and that made it extra cool. I love how friendly everyone is in the temple. It could have been because it was the middle of the day on a weekday and there were hardly and patrons there, but all I did was ask the way to the changing room, and I had a bunch of people to help guide and show me the way the rest of the time that I was in there.

After visiting the temple, I came back to Berkeley and met up with a group from the institute to play Ultimate. I'm not the best (I have a tendency to throw a truly terrible pass when I'm under pressure), but I was able to hold my own with and enjoy the group. I love that at 5PM, it's perfectly gorgeous outside, the same as at 8AM or noon. I'll say it again: 

The weather here is ridiculously gorgeous.

So, now to Friday. I checked out the site where I'm working starting on Monday. It's a lot bigger than I expected, so I'm excited for that. I went and parked my car at the BART station in southern Berkeley, bought a pass, and rode in to San Francisco. I hopped off downtown and started walking. I knew the general direction of Chinatown (the first place I wanted to visit) so I headed that way. I had downloaded an app which runs in the background, and when you pass a site or noteworthy place it plays a little info blurb. This picture -> is of the shortest and most narrow street in the city. Lol.

I wandered my way to Chinatown and found all sorts of wonderful junk there. It's like every single 99cent store sent the things they couldn't send to this section of town. Oh, and then there were all the paper fans and zen gardens and other wonderfully stereotypical Asian tourist goods available for purchase as well. As I didn't want to have to carry souvenirs with me for the next several hours, I only ended up buying lunch while I was there. I couldn't decide on what to get, so I got the equivalent of an appetizer sampler.

As I left Chinatown, I decided to head towards Lombard St. I entered North Beach (little Italy) and, fittingly, found the Sts. Peter and Paul Church. After walking around in there (I LOVE stained glass in cathedrals and the like), I looked up and saw Coit Tower just up the way. That was one of the sights that Amanda and I hadn't gotten to go to while here last year, so I trudged up the hill and got too look back over San Francisco. It's a truly beautiful view, and it is so very different from what I'm used to.

Back on foot again, I finally made way way to Lombard St. (the other attraction that Amanda and I didn't make it to before we had to leave). It is truly mind-boggling that they were able to build buildings on that much of an incline. But (as you can see!) they managed it just fine. I'll have to drive in to the City one of these weekends so that I can drive the "crookedest street in the world".

With some time to kill, I went down the hill (thankfully!) to Fisherman's Wharf. Amanda and I had spent a good amount of time there, so I just wandered around, enjoying it. I got to see them turn a cable car (apparently that's a pretty big deal). And went over to Ghirardelli Square to get my free piece of chocolate. Yesterday was caramel-filled milk-chocolate :) I went upstairs to look at the to-go order counter, and they were handing out free chocolate there too! SCORE!

I watched street gymnasts and spray paint artists, sea lions sunning (it's 22 years since the sea lions took over Pier 39), ships at the piers, and a mediocre magic-show. As I was walking around, I got a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to a guy with a pad in hand informing me "that's a violation of code here, sir." I was terrified that I had done something wrong (like, I don't know, drive around with windows tinted too darkly). I looked at his pad nervously as he was writing and realized just as he informed me that I wasn't "smiling enough" that this was just an average Joe looking for money. When he told me the fine I had to pay went to help a soup kitchen I thought: you know what? That's a heck of a lot more creative way of raising money than just ringing a bell or something. So I pulled of some money to donate. It turns out that the pad he was scribbling on was actually the back of a sticker that says "I Luv Your Smile", so I got that out of it too :)

On my way over to a big food festival, I had to pass by Ghirardelli Square again, so I may or may not have stopped in and gotten another 2 free pieces of chocolate (they'd rotated the workers, so I didn't have to worry about them recognizing me).The food festival looked good, but I wasn't ready for dinner yet, so I walked a ways further down the shoreline. They're getting ready for the "Escape from Alcatraz" (I just started typing Azkaban, lol) Triathlon. It really looks like it is going to be a cool triathlon- they start in a ferry just off Alcatraz and then swim to the peninsula to bike and run.

So I got to the Palace of Fine Arts and walked around it for a while. It's a beautiful building that has been without a permanent purpose for nearly a century now. It was built for some expo, and it was so beautiful that no one wanted to get rid of it, but they couldn't figure out what to do with it, so it's done a bunch of random (and sometimes menial) things. On my way from there, I stopped by the shore to watch a bunch of wind-surfers and kite-surfers on the bay. It looked so cold out there, but it also looked like they were having such a good time!

I was finally more than hungry for dinner, so I headed over to the food festival. There was food representing at least 15 different countries there, and I ended up trying a pork-belly burger. It was quite tasty. I had to decide at that point whether to wait and see the next band come on stage at 8, or go next door to this Improv show I had seen an ad for. Improv ended up winning out, so I bought a ticket and headed up.

The format for the show was a version of what they termed "The Harold". I was really interested to see it, but also kind of nervous. I'm used to Jester'z Improv, where you don't have to worry about what's on stage. The first act started with the prompt "Blue" and they started in to 5-part harmony improving a doo-wop song. I melted right then and there. Two scenes later, at the "Blue Moon Lookout Spot" there was a duet just as good as the first song and soo funny. I cringed a bit when they dropped an F-bomb, but then they finished the act with an improvised Shakespearean monologue which was amazing. Act II started after intermission with the prompt "focus" and they actually did the first scene from a suggestion I'd thrown out, which was really cool. Pretty early on in the act, the language started getting worse. I told myself if they used the f-word again, I'd have to leave. The next scene improvised a song which I would assume would have the title (from how often they repeated the line as I was on my way out of the theater) "We're F***ed!"

It was time for me to call it a night, so I grabbed some groceries and hopped on a bus headed downtown. My phone had long since died (I got the picture of the improv theater just before it shut down), so I was pretty much flying blind on this one. I started talking with a group of (very obviously!) tourists from Wisconsin. When they found out where I was getting off, they decided to get off there too, because it was the closest stop to their hotel. The problem was that I wasn't sure exactly where that stop was. And suddenly, the blind was leading the blind. Luckily, as the bus filled up, a native sat down next to me and let me know right when to get off. A quick BART ride, and I was back in Berkeley and home in my bed. Quite an adventurous day, but also most exhausting. My highlights for today are going to be lunch with a bunch of the other new Bayer interns and getting my laundry done. And I am just fine with that :)

Welcome to Berserkeley

Well, I made it? I have moved to California for the summer and am settling in to (as one friend calls it) Berserkeley. It's been a fun and great first few days, let me fill you in on what I've been up to.
I ended up having a going-away/pool party at my house Monday night. It was fun to get to see a bunch of really great friends and have a last hurrah with them before taking off. Of course, my plans for an early bedtime were thoroughly decimated with the organization of that activity, but I think it was totally worth it.
Because we spent a couple extra hours staying up talking, I decided to sleep in a little later than I had originally planned. I still got off at a good time, just a bit later than the schedule originally called for. Between audiobooks and soundtracks to musicals that I wanted to listen to, I figure I could have driven probably for three days without stop and still had more things to listen to. Fortunately, it was only a 12-hour drive, so I didn't have to use it all up.

Right now, I'm playing around with the idea of auditioning for MET's production of Seussical the Musical this fall. That's still a ways away, but it's fun to dream. Anyway, I listened to that soundtrack and that took me all the way to Quartzite. The rest of the trip was spent listening to "The Lost Symbol" by Dan Brown. I made it about half-way through the book in the remaining 10 hours of the trip, and it really helped the time fly by. Lunch was in LA, and then it was just a straight shot up California to the Bay Area. I looked down at the odometer after coming out of a particularly intense downhill section and my heart sank: I had missed the 100k mile switch-over on my car! Seriously, I've been waiting for this since I bought the car in October. I literally considered exiting the highway right then and driving down some random country road for 5.3 miles in reverse. If I hadn't just gotten a text from my future roommate asking if I was going to make it in time for a birthday celebration, I totally would have done it.
I got in to Berkeley just after 9, and my roommate, Stanley, helped me get all my stuff out of the car. I really didn't have that much to bring for 10 weeks, so 20 minutes later, I was almost completely unpacked. Another roommate, Thor, was celebrating his birthday that evening, so all 6 of us (the guy that I'm replacing in the apartment doesn't leave till the 14th, so he's on the couch till then) went out for some sushi. We met up with another 5 people from the ward, and so I'm already starting to get to know people here. I hope to make a whole bunch of friends quickly, cause knowing no one is kind of sucky.

Slept fine my first night in Berkeley, but I had to get up earlier than I wanted to. The rule for parking around my apartment is 2-hour parking from 8-7. So that means that if your car is there at 8, it has to be move by 10, and then again at 12 and so on. So, I got up and got ready so that I could move my car before ten. I parked then headed up one of the main roads towards UC Berkeley and gave myself a short walking tour of the campus. WOW. The buildings are beautiful, and there's a stream that runs through the middle of campus. I took some pictures, so you can see some of what I found so impressive.

Everything's so green!

Berkeley Bell Tower

From the Tower, you could look straight out over Berkeley into the  Bay. If you look really closely, you can see the Golden Gate Bridge. Talk about an amazing view.

So, I had to go move my car again, and it was time for lunch. I had lunch and lazed around for a bit, then decided that I was going to go listen to some more audiobook while relaxing in a park. Parks are relaxing, right? Well, I headed over to the people's park. Seriously, read a bit on that wikipedia page to get a feel for what I was in store for.

So I park next to the park, and go lay in the shade of a tree with my headphones in and enjoying my book. After three people asked me for money, I got up and walked over to a corner of the park (further away from the "regulars" at the park). I had more success listening to my book in peace, and got to see an "Occupy Road Trip" Bus full of wonderful... free spirits stop at the park to enjoy it. I'm not really sure how effective a mobile "Occupy" initiative is, but who am I to judge? So I listened to my book for a while, and then decided to walk around the park, just to take it all in. I had another request for money, got to see the people from the food bank handing out lunch, and then, the coup de grace: I was offered a wonderful opportunity to purchase weed which I was assured was the finest quality. 

A bit later in the afternoon, Stanley and I went for a run around Berkeley. During the run, he informed me that the People's Park wasn't generally the best park to choose to hang out at. We got to see another city park which looked much more friendly. Stanley is hoping to do a half-marathon, so we ended up running a lot farther than I have in a very long time, but I pretty much managed to keep up (which I was really glad about). Two weird things about running here:

1. There are hills! (I'm used to having to find mountains if  you want an elevation change!)
2. You can run at 5 PM. AND THE TEMPERATURE IS PLEASANT!

I told Stanley that, if you don't finish your run by about 8 or 9 AM in Pheonix, you might as well put it off to tomorrow. It's so nice here though! They don't have central air conditioning or heating, because it never gets that hot or cold. I think I am perfectly fine with that.

After the run, I went down to Oakland and met with Ben and Ashley. It was so great to see them again and sit and talk with them. They're doing great, and we had an amazing mean at Barney's Gourmet Burgers. I went with an avocado and bacon burger, and it was truly fantastic. It's also nice to know that, even if all else fails, I've got at least two friends here in town.

As I was driving home, I realized that it was about sunset. I got a text from Rebekah reminding me that I'm on an adventure. I notice just how beautiful the sunset made everything look, so I decided to see if I could drive up into the hills high enough to get a good view of it. I got there just in time, and when I finally turned around to look, it was definitely worth one last push of adventure that evening:

I watched the sun sink under the horizon then headed back to where I'd parked my car. Along the way, there was this odd creaking noise. Like, you know in the scary movies when a swing is swaying back and forth in a playground and makes that metallic creak...creak...creak? Yeah, that's what I heard. Which was creepy enough, but I couldn't even see any swingset or playground. I went over to look towards the sound, and all of a sudden, a bunch of ravens flew out of the tree above me and started circling while cawing loudly at me. I decided that was enough horror-movie motifs for one evening and booked it back to my car. 

Welcome to Beserkeley

Somebody That I Used to Know

Gotye.
This is a kind of weird song, but it has grown on me (as the radio stations keep playing it over and over). I actually heard the WotE cover before I heard the real song. "Somebody That I Used to Know" is a chill song, but it was in listening to a lyrics version of the video for this post that I really got an idea of what the second half of the song is about.
Gotye starts the song off, and it's a melancholy post-break-up song (not my favorite kind). It seems pretty straightforward that they were in love, she ended it, and that was that. Things were over and each went their separate ways. He sings of how she's "just somebody that I used to know."
All of a sudden, Kimbra starts singing and it changes the perspective on the situation totally. She takes his words and changes them just a little bit. She tells us that

"You said that you could let it go,

and I wouldn't catch you caught up on 

somebody that you used to know"

Just like that, she goes from being a bit heartless and mean in the way she ended the relationship to vindicated in her reaction to his inability to move past somebody that he used to know. I'd never really noticed that switch listening to the song before, but I think it really makes the song a whole lot more interesting.

I remember reading a short story once (I can't find it online right now though) about two children fighting in class. The teacher took them aside and asked what the problem was and it became apparent that there was a misunderstanding, but that neither was willing to see the other's perspective. The teacher took them over to her desk and had them sit on opposite sides of it. She took a ball out her desk, placed it on the center of the table and asked them to describe it. The first described the ball as about 3 inches across, shiny and black. The second immediately jumped in to contradict the first and point out that the ball was white. It quickly escalated to the point that it looked like they would attack each other across the teacher's desk.

The teacher got control of the two and had them switch sides whereupon they noticed that the ball was colored perfectly white on one side and black on the other.

It's a pretty simple example of how different people see the same thing very differently, and I can't tell you how many times this story has come back to me as I've realized that I was standing somewhere, insisting that the ball had to be white and nothing else.

Some of the saddest occurrences I can think of resulted from misunderstandings. May Gotye serve as a reminder (as it plays every half hour on the radio) that there is a second side to every coin, and another perspective for every story.

Tattoo

If we've talked in the last three weeks or so, chances are that you know that I'm heading to California on Tuesday. It's really going to be quite a change for me and may just end up directing the next few years of my life.

That's kinda crazy to think about.

As I was camping with my mom earlier this week, I woke up with the chorus from "Tattoo" by Jordin Sparks in my head. First of all, I just want to share my connection to fame: Jordin was in my school district growing up. I'm a couple of years older than her, so our paths never crossed, but her last year at Sandra Day O'Connor HS (before she won American Idol and left that pesky "high school" scene) was my senior year at Barry Goldwater HS (I wonder if you could make a correlation to the success of the individual for whom a school was named and the performance of the students in that area...).

Tangent done, there are a lot of lyrics which really mean a lot to me right now from this song.

I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

For starters, I am excited for this upcoming change. I get to have a bunch of new roommates, I am moving into a new ward and get to meet a ton of people there. I will be living in the Bay area (which is gorgeous) and get to explore it as soon as I get off work every day and on the weekends. Everything (both good and bad [which makes it bittersweet]) is going to be left behind and I am starting so much new. It will be interesting to see who I become as a result of this big change for me.

No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction

I'm leaving, but not in a sad way. First of all, I know that I'm coming back (I've still got one more semester at ASU). That being said, I don't feel like I am leaving with any regrets. I can't say that every second has been lived as if it were my last one, but I really have appreciated what I've gotten to do and who I've been with here in Mesa. A new direction is kind of scary in the sense that I don't know what this direction holds exactly, but I am exquisitely happy with each new direction that has gotten me to this point so far.

You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

The reason why I can look so optimistically about moving far away from family to a city I don't really know and a ward I'll be a complete stranger in is that I'm not going alone. I have the love of my family, well-wishes from so many great and supportive friends, lessons learned from a fantastic bishopric and ward, and the close relationships which mean so much to me. The possessions that I pack up in the back of my mustang are really quite replaceable and will really not be worth all that much. Those "intangibles" that I'm bringing are so much more valuable to me.

The imagery of a tattoo across my heart is kind of sobering. Two parts of that really stand out to me:

1. OUCH! I can't even begin to imagine how difficult and painful it would be to get a tattoo on your heart. You'd have to really want it (and be sure you were never ever going to have to get it removed!) to put a tattoo on your heart.
2. Tattoos have always seemed somewhat contradictory to me. They usually (though [unfortunately] not always) have a personal meaning to the bearer. The strange thing is how public and broadly such an intimate thing is by its very nature. The thought of a tattoo across the heart is so personal. It's kept and guarded in the innermost portion an individual has.

The "tattoo" on my heart is still a work in progress, but that doesn't mean that what I have thus far won't influence my life as it continues. I am so grateful for all of the little (and big) wonderful things in my life that have brought me this far and will continue to strengthen me as I go further. 

Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you

White Flag/The Hurt & The Healer

So the past few mornings have had somewhat of a tie through their genre. I don't know all the words to either song, but I still enjoy singing along with them.
This isn't the version I've heard on the radio, but the first song was "White Flag" and then there is "The Hurt & the Healer".
At first, when I was humming these songs in the morning, I wasn't sure what I wanted to write about with them. These songs didn't really lend themselves to blog posts for me. When I put them together though, I found something that I wanted to write about.
I can remember two and a half years ago sitting in an institute class discussing the power of music. It's a concept that I have no trouble acknowledging (and I would hope that if you've been here for my blogging over the last little while you can see that I put a great deal of emphasis on the power that music has in my life). The teacher asked us to try and identify what exactly we were listening to in our lives and why. At the end of the lesson, nothing had really changed for me, but it did start me in a direction that has grown with time.
I made a conscious effort starting then to clean up my tastes in music. Like I said, nothing changed overnight, but as I worked at listening to better things, I noticed that the radio stations I frequented were different. I've always loved instrumental and classical music, and so listening to KBAQ was an easy substitute for me.
One of my friends mentioned to me how boring it is to drive with me one day. I realized then that, although I love the freedom listening to classical radio gives me to think, no everyone is such a fan. I started looking for other things on the radio I could be happy listening to. I didn't have to go far from 89.5 to find KLOVE, Family Life Radio and Air One. While I don't necessarily agree with the idea of rocking out in worship, those stations had music that I didn't have to worry about offensive lyrics on and that had a beat that didn't bore passengers. With time, those four became my staple stations.
I realized as these songs were stuck in my head this week that they really have made a difference and an impact in my life. At first, I went through and made a list of the songs that played on popular music stations while I was driving to and from my parents' place (~30 minute drive). I was going to point out how vulgar and wrong those songs would be to show how important it is not to listen to music like that. My lists were:

• Turn Me On- David Guetta
• Boyfriend- Justin Bieber
• DJ Got Us Fallin in Love- Usher
• What Makes You Beautiful- One Direction

and

• Somebody that I Used to Know- Gotye
• Super Bass- Nicki Minaj
• Rumor Has It- Adele
• Wild Ones- Flo Rida
• Dynamite- Taio Cruz

Not only was I able to sing along to almost every song, but previous and in-the-works posts were inspired from songs in those lists. That kind of shot my original idea down.
I realized then, that for me it isn't about shutting popular music out and going all to Christian Rock and Classical. There are still a lot of good songs out there. This is just my way of saying that being careful about what you do and don't listen to does make a big difference. To take a particularly crass example, some lyrics:

Yes I did, yes I did, somebody please tell him who the F I is

I am Nicki Minaj, I mack them dudes up, back coupes up, and chuck the deuce up

If I get to choose what is going to be stuck in my head all morning (and I usually don't. The only choice I get is what I put into my head all day the day before), I'll take lyrics like this:

I'm alive

And even though a part of me has died,

You take this heart and bring it back to life.

I fall into your arms open wide.

When the hurt and the Healer collide.

So, what are you putting in, and can you tell me it doesn't influence what you get out?