The Proof Of Your Love

I hope to be a better person tonight than I was when I woke up humming this song this morning. Happy Sabbath to all!

Hold Me

I love the way you hold me.
As we learned in my institute class this week: "How can one be warm alone?" That wasn't the main focus of the lesson, but I really do feel like that is a basic aspect of human nature. I know that there is a drive to connect, to be close to other people (or at least to someone). In my "Science in society" class, the article I chose for discussion looked at the things that we understand about the chemical oxytocin. Pretty much we figured out in the '70s that it was the main chemical which helped mothers bond with their babies and since then everything we've figured out about it may or may not be true and we don't understand it any more than we did then. The clear thing is, though, that the way body naturally works, it is super important for humans to connect.
When I went back and listened to this song, I realized that I couldn't figure out who Jamie is singing to. There are lines when I feel like it's a love song and she's singing about her boyfriend. With other lines, though, it feels like she's singing about her relationship with God (I did hear it on KLove the night before which is probably why it was in my head when I woke up). As I thought about it, I realized that I am totally ok with that.
I love God. A lot. When I picture my future wife and family, part of what I picture is how much I'm going to love them. There's no doubt in my mind that love is going to be in every part of my family. Even if I started building that love today, though, God would still have a 25 year head start on them. I'm hoping that my future wife is on the same kind of path that I am.
I've seen this triangle several times in various Sunday School and priesthood lessons:

There were dozens of versions of this when I searched for it, but I just loved the images for "husband" and "wife" on this one so much! :)

The basic idea is that there are 360° that a person can move. Odds aren't great that a random guy and a random girl are going to end up moving in such a way that they come together. The way to make this work is to have both of them pick a fixed point and move towards it. There are so many points which it is so easy to fix on (a career, a house, kids, each other, American Idol, a love of cheese, etc.), but those points aren't fixed. They can (and do) move. If you picked a moving point, then you're going to have to be continually adjusting and compensating. I took an entire semester devoted to tracking and adjusting to a changing point in process engineering. Believe you me, it's not fun.
I pick God. I believe that he isn't going anywhere and the only adjusting is going to be when I forget where I was originally headed and start wandering :) In this scenario, I imagine that my wife is going to be working through the same kind of thing, so that is why I'd want her to be focused on God as much (if not more!) than on me.
For me, until I've got my own special someone here to hold on to, I'm going to keep singing, "Lord, I love the way you hold me."

It's Always a Good Time

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day and I realized something about myself. Whenever someone asks me about how my day has been, my general knee-jerk reaction is to say "Good." And then I realize that that is a most bland of answers and I decide to come up with a compelling argument as to why the day is thus. Reasons have ranged from "I got to sleep in this morning" to "I got accepted to a master's program at ASU" to "I didn't completely suck at life in my classes today" (That last one sounds like it wouldn't be a valid reason to label a day as "good", but it actually was all that I could have hoped for at the start of that particular morning). As I recognized that pattern in my thinking and responding, I stopped to wonder about it a bit. Why do I do that?

Good morning and good night...

It's gonna be alright

We don't even have to try

It's Always a Good Time

This song is so happy it's almost sickly sweet. And yet I love it. The things that they list in the verses "What's up with this Prince song inside my head?", "Slept in my clothes like I don't care", "Freaked out, dropped my phone in the pool again" are some of the most random things, but no matter what they sing about, the chorus comes back around as an anthem singing out that "It's always a good time!"

While this "synth pop" rendition of positivity is a bit overboard, I love how it portrays such a real part of me. When you start your response out with "Today was a good day...", you naturally are looking through the past 24 hours trying to find instances to validate your statement. I firmly believe that they are there; that if you want to, you can find something about your day that was good. From there, it often takes some willpower, but you can build on that to make the entire day a good day. 

And you know what? People want to be around people who are creating a good day:

Hands up if you're down to get down tonight

It's a lot more fun to be around people who want to have fun and make today a good day. I know that sounds like circular reasoning, but it's true. If you're looking for things about the day to be upset about, you'll find them all day long. And they'll define your day. The opposite holds true as well though, and those are the kinds of party people I love to be around. I've got the power to choose, and I decide that It's Always a Good Time.

All I Ever Wanted

This blog took a very different turn from what I'd been normally writing about exactly one year ago today. I decided I was going to make a note of the songs that I wake up with stuck in my head, and use each as an embarkation point for posts. I think it is poetic that, after 366 days of blogging, I have very much the same topic as I did for the post when I started this exercise. I had no idea where this blog was going to go (or where my year would take me for that matter), but I have enjoyed looking back at the posts that have happened and the adventures I've lived since. What a list it is!

Wouldn't it be Loverly

We R Who We R

Nothing's Bigger than Love/I Dreamed a Dream

We Can Do It

Toreador

Till I Hear You Sing

Who Am I?

Meteor Shower

Seize the Day

Not Over You

Brand New Day

These are the Nights

Joy to the World

Call me Maybe

My Eyes

White Flag

Tattoo

Somebody that I Used to Know

What Do You Do With a B.A. in English?

Payphone

Part of Me

It's Possible

Lights

Dark Blue

The Fortunate

Fine, Fine Line

Love You Like a Love Song

Me Without You

We are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Gloria (My Savior Lives)

Check Yes or No

Adelaide's Lament

Good Morning, Beautiful

Set Fire to the Rain

Titanium

Everybody Talks

With Wond'ring Awe

That's How You Know

Some Nights

Les Miserables

My Paper Heart

A Tisket, a Tasket
One More Night

Such an odd collection! I hope you've enjoyed these as much as I have enjoyed being able to write and share with you. Don't worry, I'm not quitting, I just thought that this is kind a major milestone to hit and I should acknowledge that.

Sweet perfumes of incense

Graceful rooms of alabaster stone

All I ever wanted

Poor Moses: in this portion of the Prince of Egypt, his world has pretty much been torn out from underneath him and he is trying to decide what it means to him to be himself. At first he tries to find himself in the things surrounding him.

Here among my trappings and belongings I belong

and if anybody doubts it

they couldn't be more wrong

How easy it is to try an identify yourself through the world around you! I can see that a lot of my own personal identification comes out in which car I drive, what I do for fun, where I eat, what I wear. There is so much more than that though! My understanding of who I am is so much more deeply rooted. I know that the things that are in my life are wonderful, but that life would still be wonderful without those things.

I am a sovereign prince of Egypt

Son of a proud history...

I have high expectations and great visions for my life as a child of God. Every aspect of my life which is in my control is an opportunity to grow towards greatness. Sure, there are lots of little things that I want: to do well in school, to get a degree, to get a job, to have a family, to go new places and see new things. I want all of these things, and I am working towards them. BUT, even if they don't happen in my life, I know that I can and am living in a way that is in line with and pleasing to God, and, really, that's All I Ever Wanted.

One More Night

So I was trying to figure out how I was going to relate to a song about staying in an unhealthy relationship after I woke up singing "One More Night" the other day. Honestly, I didn't have squat. Then, as I was making some food for dinner last night, I decided to watch the music video. At first, I thought "well, that's stupid, the video doesn't have anything to do with this song. He's a boxer with a family. And...?"
I thought about it a bit though, and I actually really like what they did with the foundation of the song. It's still about a failed relationship and staying with something unhealthy, but they split the two concepts up. If I understand it right, his boxing is driving them apart and she just can't take it anymore. Unfortunately, he also can't give it up, and it ends up costing him her (which is such a shame, because she is gorgeous and they have such a cute baby).
I think my thoughts went a bit introspective at that point, because I mean it's not that far of a cry to be able to identify with that situation, is it? This really is the essence of regret. At first, I was trying to make a case for good things edging out the best things. That's not really where I feel like this song is going though. Part of the song goes:

I'd be waking up in the morning, probably hating myself

This isn't a good thing that's robbing time from better things. This is something he acknowledges is going to be a decision he is going to regret in the future but makes it at that point because his compulsion is that strong in the moment. I think that's the best definition for addiction: disregarding the understanding that a decision is going to be hurtful or harmful for some sort of temporary feeling. By making that definition so broad, it includes a lot more than just substance abuse and sex-related activities. Shoot, there have been many times when I've opened up Facebook late at night and thought to myself "I'm too tired for this. I am going to be hating myself in the morning if I don't get to sleep now" and then start scrolling through my newsfeed anyways. Everyone can decide on it for themselves, but when I realized that, it shocked me in to a realization of just how addicted I'd become to meaningless social networking. Not that all social networking is bad mind you (just when it crosses over into meaningless territory).

I'd like to think that I'm pretty good at deciding what things make me happy (or at the very least, what will make me happy [even if it does occasionally require a bit of un-fun in the now]), and that's why the thought of choosing something that I know is not only going to hurt me but is going to make me unhappy sounds so absurd. 

Yeah, I stopped using my head, using my head letting it all go

And yet, I've done it before. I'm sure I'll do it again. I'll look at the clock, see that it's midnight, know that I want to get up early in the morning, and then click "Play Next Episode" on Netflix. As I've tried to recognize that I'm making a decision that I know is going to hurt me, I've gotten better at not being so absurd, but I've still got a long way to go. 

Here's to being happy in 2013!

A Tisket, A Tasket

I woke up one morning humming "A Tisket, A Tasket". It's got to be 15 years since I've sung that song, and the only time I can remember hearing it was in dance last semester as we were dancing triple-swing. Most of the songs from that era seem to have a beat made for swing, and I am ok with that :)
Music makes me happy. As I'm hoping you can tell by this post (and this blog in general!), I have a love for music. I don't claim to be any great aficionado of music, but I do love it. That love has spilled over into other aspects of my life, and has even helped created new loves in my life. Much more recent than my love of music in my love of dance.
My relationship with dancing has been an interesting one, no doubt. I think the first "dancing" I ever did was the deacon shuffle at church dances. Watch the video, then you'll appreciate why the dancing needed to go in quotations. In high school, I did show choir and a couple of musicals, so I danced to choreography. In my first semester at ASU, a cute girl who was a friend of a friend from church asked if I would join her ballroom class. I said, "sure!" and then found out a week later that she was engaged. That, however, put me in a place to fall in love with social partner dancing.
I've been taking lessons at ASU off an on throughout my undergrad, and they have really been some of my all-time favorite classes. I'm so far from being what I would consider a good dancer (though I did compete nationally :) ) but I've slowly been learning how to do more than just string random steps together. Each dance has a "feel" behind the steps, and that is where the fun comes in. I found this version of a Viennese Waltz that I feel like shows just how artistically you can interpret a song and how beautiful dancing can be.
There isn't really a purpose to this post, just a chance for me to say "I love to dance!"

Thanks for listening :)

My Paper Heart

I've had this post sitting around as a draft for months now, because I've never really been sure what to make of this song. I almost wrote a New Year's post with it, but that just didn't pan out, and we're now well on our way in to the new year (we're already more than 1% of the way done with this year!)
So, basically, I decided to write about this line from My Paper Heart:

This wait for destiny won't do.

I know it isn't the most profound of lines, but it's one of those things that people have said in a ton of different ways:

• Grab life by the horns
• A rolling stone gathers no moss
• He who hesitates is lost
• Shoot first, ask questions later
• Strike while the iron is hot
• Don't eat yellow snow.

OK, that last one had nothing to do with the rest of them, I just wanted to see if you were paying attention. In all seriousness though, it seems like motivation to act is one of the most common themes for old adages. As I thought about that, I realized that there must be some very solid truth behind that. I feel like there has got to be some reason why there are so many motivational speakers out there, and I can't tell you how many times I have left a motivational seminar thinking "I'm on fire! I can so totally do this!" 

I've got this idea that I've been working on for a while, and I really like how broadly it seems to work so far. It's based in science (being the nerd that I am), so I'm sorry if it's too boring. If you do make it through, tell me what you think:

1

Newton's first law can be boiled down to "An object in motion tends to stay in motion." It's the law of inertia. This is how my physics classes always started- throwing a baseball in space, a cart traveling on a friction-less track, etc. As simple as it can get, if something is sitting still, it's going to stay still, if it's moving, it is going to keep moving. 

I wish that life were that simple. Physics calculations would be so easy if that were the way things were. Similarly, if I could bottle that "I'm on fire!" attitude and keep that kind of motivation constant, I'd like to think that I could really be wildly successful. 

2

Unfortunately, newton's got another law. His second law relates the force an object experiences to the acceleration it will undergo by how heavy it is. Boiled down: the harder you push on something, the faster it's going to go. This, I feel, is half of the justification for the motivational speaking industry: we can be big, fat, lazy slobs. For some people, the adages up top would be enough to keep them going. They want to be moving anyway, and so the little pushes of simple sayings get them moving. For another group of people, anything short of a well-planned and passionately emotional speech won't be able to nudge us to act. 

3

If you noticed, I mentioned that 2 is half the justification for motivational speakers. There is one more portion to the laws of Newton that every physics student gets to learn: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. This, I feel, is the other half. This is what really complicates the calculations. When there is friction slowing your cart down, when air resistance alters the path your baseball was going to take, when you have a great idea but start to see all of the obstacles facing you; that's what makes things so complicated. Every time that friction slows you down, you have to battle through, and I've found that it's often a motivational "push" that gets me past that and helps me keep moving. 

Everyone has their own personal way of motivating themselves. For some people, it's sayings written on mirrors. For others, it's surrounding themselves with positive people. Still others like to read inspiring stories. I know religion is a big part of what constitutes my motivation. Whatever it is, I feel like there is an innate need as part of the human condition that drives us to do, to become, to improve. We all want to make our own difference in the world, and waiting for destiny just won't do.

Les Miserables

I got to wake up slowly this morning, which I don't hardly ever do. It was actually quite enjoyable. It was kind of funny though: after having seen Les Miserables in theaters last night, I had a weird blend of a bunch of songs that would switch from one to another randomly. I hummed Stars, I Dreamed a Dream, Red and Black, One Day More, On My Own, and Javert's Suicide intermittently. A lot of these were in a medley that I watched yesterday afternoon, so maybe that inspired it somewhat this morning too.
I was kind of surprised by the movie. I haven't ever been a huge fan of the production when it's staged. Generally, it always feel like there are too many story arcs trying to fit in to one musical (it is an adaptation of a novel with 500,000+ words) and so you don't really get to emotionally connect with any character. As a result, I always felt like all of the characters were too flat to really enjoy show (with the exception of Eponine, whom I love).
The movie went a long way to solving this issue for me. The camera was RIGHT in their face for quite a few scenes, and I felt like the actors all did a pretty solid job of humanizing their characters a lot better than I'd ever experienced. That was definitely one of the biggest praises I had for the show. The music was really good in my opinion. I was glad that that recorded the vocals live, because that also made everyone much more human.
Someone asked me if it was too inappropriate. I've heard a lot of interesting answers from friends about this. Some people feel like Lovely Ladies is the only part that probably should have been toned down. Others said that that was fine, but scenes from Master of the House shouldn't have been put in. In discussing it today, I felt like I came up with my own opinion (yay!) of it. I felt like both of those scenes were very real. While there was a high level of vulgarity in each, it was done with a very specific purpose. I don't think I've really ever felt so acutely the despair and the destitution of someone who has literally lost everything. I've grown up in a pretty sheltered and simply life and it's easy to imagine all the world has gotten the same positive treatment that I have. These scenes were very much a slap in the face about how much real people experience and that I find it so easy to pretend doesn't exist. It was graphic, but it served a very specific purpose.
I know a lot of people cried during the movie. I'm generally not a big crier when it comes to movies (though books have a tendency to be a different story). I am happy to say, though, that I did have a solitary tear slide down my cheek during the movie. As Val Jean leaves with Fantine at the end, I could feel the love, but also the loss for Cosette. Then, as the bishop joined the trio and they sang "To love another person is to see the face of God", I felt the power of that theme which had been building throughout the movie.

In summation, I really enjoyed Les Miserables in theaters last night :)