I love this song for multiple reasons:
- It's in Enchanted. I love that movie.
- Amy Adams singing. I'm a fan.
- There are steel drums in this song=awesome.
- Central park craziness? Loved it!
- This song focuses around one of the most central concerns of a relationship.
How do you know if someone loves you? How do you know if you love someone?
I think that there are a bunch of different ways you can answer either of those questions, but my personal favorite is the Languages of Love.
In short summary, each of us speaks a language of love. They are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. While everyone can recognize different ways that love are expressed, one is usually pretty dominant over the others. For some, a heartfelt compliment really does mean the world. Another gauges closeness by physical contact.
For me, quality time is how you show me you care about me. If you want me to know how much you care about me, go out of your way to spend time with me and make that time be meaningful. There are several books associated with the Love Languages theory, and I have read one or two of them. It was really interesting to me to see how much I could apply it into my life (and I'm not even dating anyone).
If you haven't ever looked in to these books, I'd recommend giving it a shot. It really can't hurt, and it might just clear things up so
that's how she knows that you love her
that's how you show her you love her
I love love languages, because they're a really useful tool to better love people, romantically or otherwise. Mine are touch and words of affirmation, and then the rest scatter below that with gifts being almost negligible. :)
ReplyDeleteMatt! Stop stealing my brain. Quality time is my primary love language, too. :P
ReplyDeleteI like the idea a lot of being to more fully understand what works for each person but i've never been good at figuring out wich I would be specifically..
ReplyDeleteLove the song! And I agree with the concepts whole heartedlyI! I have 3 thoughts to share, ready or not--
ReplyDelete1) the love language stuff works! One summer I wanted to make sure my mom felt love by speaking in her language. So I experimented by doing 1 thing from each love language to see which one she liked the best. She was grateful for the flowers and hugs and the service and the compliments. But when she and I went for a walk (quality time) she became visibly happier. I administered the test later and wallah! As demonstrated by trial, she is a quality time person.
2) it is useful in understanding your sig other. I have literally watched this at play and discussed this with multiple friends in rocky relationships. They were struggling with feelings of doubt about the compatibility or the sincerity of the partner because he/she was using other languages than the one needed.
3) I think there may be a few missing languages. First, humor. When someone laughs at my joke, or when we laugh at the same jokes, I feel the same love/acceptance feelings that I do during other love languages. This has been the case since I was small. Connection on humor is potentially a love language the book author is missing. Second, there has to be a "respect" language of some sort (see book called Love and Respect for a whole different discussion) but I haven't explored this to know how it plays out. It may actually be by forbearing criticism rather than by producing action. Third, there is something loving in spirituality. I can't quite pin this one down as a love language , but by partaking in spiritual activities or discussions together, something changes or is affected which is just as strong as the love languages. So, I haven't solidified my thoughts on the missing languages but believe there is room for discussion.
The Che (I don't recognize the handle, who are you?),
DeleteI know what you mean about seeing the concepts of love languages playing out in real life. When you know what to look for, it is completely obvious. When you don't, it doesn't even begin to register in your conscious.
It's interesting what you bring up about expanding the love languages. I think that there is a lot of meaning behind calling them languages: I speak English, and they speak English in downtown London, but there are so many nuances and individualities that differentiate the two of us who speak the same language. That is what I would say a lifetime of learning to love someone is all about. You know those couples where she can combine an entire discussion in to a "look" and a couple of words, and he knows exactly what was communicated. Learning the individual characteristics of the language someone speaks is much more difficult and rewarding than learning which language it is.
That being said, I do agree with you about the kind of love that a shared spirituality builds. I feel like it's as much of a language as the other love languages. I would go on to say that it is actually more than that though, because I believe that everyone can speak and connect on that level. It might be oversimplifying things, but I would say that two people can struggle to understand and speak each other's languages because they are so foreign to one another, but if they are trying to connect on a spiritual level, it's available to any couple.
Thanks for adding to this discussion! You've given me a lot more to think about on this :)